Marriage does take some tolerance, and I am in no way saying I want to leave my husband. I am frustrated with him though. He has been so grouchy. Often his reactions are inappropriate and much too severe for the circumstances. He was raised that way, so it's been years of that. When he is on fire for the Lord, those behaviors go away. Trouble is, he's up and down. Now, we are in one of those down times.
My husband does have a lot on him, between his management job and taking care of our family. His parents add to his stress, because they are so needy (emotionally). My husband has had a bad habit of feeling sorry for himself and misinterpreting others' intentions. He is often jealous of others and hates them for it.
I know my husband truly wants to serve the Lord. He goes to church, he talks about the Lord. He lacks the time to pray and read the word though. I know he just needs to make the time to do those things, but he is struggling to even find a few minutes for himself. He just keeps putting those things off. Then when he gets down, he starts cussing and is really ignorant to people, especially his family. He is short tempered, acting out from any little conflict.
I'm tired of being treated so badly when he's down. I'm tired of watching him talk to our children so harshly and I'm tired of him calling me perfect if I make a comment about his actions. Every disagreement with anyone turns into him attacking them verbally. Most of all, I'm worried about his soul.
I have tried to encourage my husband, only to have him become angry with me. The latest, is when he got angry with someone on the phone, and started cussing. His cussing turned to insulting every member of the family and then walking out the door. We hear every day that he hates his life and he is tired of everyone taking advantage of him. I told him that he wasn't wrong in being angry, but he doesn't have to lose his salvation every time he gets angry. I had said that in doing so, he was throwing his blessings away.
It seems that as I grow in the Lord, he gets more bitter towards me. I am not trying to judge my husband. I am not trying to be his conscience. I love him and I am concerned about his soul. I want things to be right in our home. The kids and I don't deserve this, and I know when he is right with the Lord, we don't live this way. I usually don't comment on his actions, but lately, I have been. At 42 years of age, twenty years in church, things should be a little different around here.
My husband really does have a lot on him. I'm not making excuses for him. Even then, he's got the wrong attitude because he's having trouble giving things to the Lord. I can pray for him and try to encourage him in the word. The worse he gets, the more guilt he feels and the more he hardens his heart. We continue to attend church. I'm so anxious for him to receive deliverance. It can't happen fast enough.